I must admit that I'm worried. Here I am, on the tail end of my Christmas holidays, ready to return to work tomorrow, and I've got a little problem. A couple of Lyme symptoms have returned. As you may recall, I've been OFF antibiotics since November 21, 2012, 7 weeks now, and that was a day of great celebration. I was DONE!!!
Well, perhaps I'm not actually done. I guess we'll see what my LLMD has to say. I hope I'll be able to speak to him soon for a phone consult.
The two symptoms that have reared their ugly heads once again are the soft, low rumbling sound in my right ear, and the body vibrations that came on as I was drifting off to sleep last night.
As soon as I felt those all-too-familiar vibrations, I perked up and began to PANIC. And then try to sleep when you're in THAT state! My poor hubby had to listen to my anxieties at 2:00 a.m., but I'm so glad he was there. Bless his heart; he was wonderful and comforting. Out of desperation, I took 1/2 of an Imovane (zopiclone) at 3:00 a.m. to get some rest, and at least I squeeked out 6 hours.
My anxieties are numerous:
- I DON'T want to have sleep problems again just when I've nicely settled back into my job and family life!
- I DON'T want to have to start to use Imovane again when I've finally gotten OFF the stuff!
- I DON'T want to start having anxiety and panic attacks over this!
- I DON'T want to fill my body with antibiotics again!
- I DON'T want to have to deal with the naysayers in my life again who have pretty much stopped harrassing me since I finished up treatment in November!
- I DON'T want to have to deal with my family doctor again, and have to explain about this "relapse" and why I'm on antibiotics AGAIN, and have them think I'm absolutely CRAZY!
- I DON'T want to travel 3 hours to my LLMD anymore!
- I DON'T want the out-of-pocket expense anymore!
I'm just so D*O*N*E with ALL of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I suppose that's enough to cause any sane person to have some anxiety.
But I'm resolving to keep my cool about this. I MUST....lest I fall into a dark pit. (Been there done that, and it's no fun.)
Yes, all those above thoughts raced through my brain in the middle of the night, but it's morning now, and I am going to have a new perspective:
- God got me through this the first time, and He will again. He provided the support we needed, when we needed it. He opened and closed doors at the perfect time, we managed financially, and I was eventually well again. I need to trust Him.......He is the Great Physician.
- I'm dealing with the symptoms EARLY this time, which will mean a much shorter stint on antibiotics.
- If I need to take Imovane for sleep, I WILL be able to get off that drug at the appropriate time. I did it before, so I can do it again.
- I have helpful counsellors that I can call on to help me through this.
Sigh.
If you are the praying type, I'd sure appreciate your prayers.
Thanks for listening to my little rant today. Blessings to you all.
