Know where your help comes from

This past week, I've felt the Lord nudging me back in His direction.  When exactly did I start to stray, and begin to rely more on myself and earthly things or other people, rather than on Him?  I think that started to happen as I began to feel better, physically. 

When I was really ill last year, I literally threw myself at His feet, praying for the things I needed most to survive: 

• endurance
• sanity
• restored sleep

I leaned on God like I've never leaned on Him before.  I cried out to Him, through sobs of fear and anxiety.

And He carried me.

At the time, a friend of mine told me that in situations like this, God usually doesn't heal 'overnight', but over a period of time.  I knew this would probably be the case for me.  He was going to teach me trust and patience.

So I waited.  And I prayed.  And I waited.

In His timing, He answered my prayers, and granted me each of the things I had asked for.  My anxiety got under control.  Just last month, I was able to stop taking sleep medication, so my sleep has been restored.  And through His strength, I managed to endure the last year and a half and come out the other end with a renewed perspective on life and faith.

But new fears are creeping back in!  It's as though I hadn't learned anything in the last year!  And this reminds me of my frail humanity, my propensity to sin, and how easy it is to forget where my help ultimately comes from.

So what are my fears?  I am returning to my teaching job in September, just a few short weeks away.  Will I be able to handle it physically?  What if I'm too fatigued?  How will I keep the stress under control?

As I consider a potential 'end of treatment' in the next while, I find my thoughts turning to worry.  Will I relapse?  Many people do.  What will I do if that happens?  I won't have any more sick days to rely on, and getting long-term disability for something as controversial as Lyme disease would be an uphill battle.

So today, I got a reminder from the Lord, via another Lyme sufferer.  Thank you, Christa.  This video was on my Facebook news feed this morning.  I need to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus who WILL take care of me and guide me and give me peace in all of the circumstances of my life.

Kari Jobe

Steady My Heart

And I would like to add one more song by Joy Williams, whose lyrics also help to strengthen me and remind me that my Heavenly Father is my Rock and I need not be afraid.

Joy Williams

Unafraid