It's June! Who hooooooo!

Nothing makes me happier than June.  Well, July and August are pretty good too, but there's just something about June that allows me to finally exhale and begin the process of relaxation.  OK, so I can't really relax for another couple of weeks, after my report cards are submitted, but there is this out-of-the-ordinary calmness in me knowing that my job is winding down for the year.

Here is a picture of what was on the agenda today.

It's planting season, and these beauties will soon be making their way into pots to adorn our abode. I'm also looking forward to planting and using more herbs this year - chives, dill, parsley, basil, rosemary, thyme, and mint.

It was a rough winter, not only in terms of the horrible bitter cold we endured, but also with my health. I'm therefore quite glad to bid it farewell.  I dealt with a Lyme relapse in January, got back on antibiotics in March, and have been trying to get some symptoms under control.  I'm so happy to report that I think I've finally turned the corner!  I actually feel half-decent!  I'm certainly not 100%, but I don't know if I'll ever achieve that again.  Today I feel about 80-90%.  It might be different tomorrow.  Each morning is like a box of chocolates that way.....to quote Forrest Gump.  "You never know what you're gonna get."

For a few weeks I've been battling terrible tiredness.  I wouldn't call it fatigue, just tiredness.  I suspect that it is medication induced.  I'm currently taking minocycline and the pharmacist said it can be sedating.  Perhaps in a few months I'll be able to reduce the dosage and I'll perk up a bit.

Of course I still have so many questions:  How long should I stay on the antibiotics?  Will I ever get off them?  Will I always relapse?  Will I ever lose this weight I've gained since my illness started?  Will I ever feel "not tired"?  Will I be able to handle my job next year?  Will this crazy Lyme situation ever get sorted out in the Canadian medical system?

There are too many unanswerable questions, so the only alternative to driving oneself crazy is to wake up in the morning and appreciate each day for what it is.  Live one day at a time.  Practice gratitude. Thank God for the blessings in your life and even the hard times, for it is in those hard times that He teaches us so much and develops our character.

I hope, despite how you feel, that you can find one (or 10!) things to be thankful for today.  I wish you all a beautiful summer.

Blessed Be Your Name

by

Robin Mark

A little advice for the holidays.....from someone who's been there

I want to take this opportunity to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and many blessings in 2014! 

I know this may be a very difficult season for many of you who are sick with Lyme disease.  It's such a busy time of year.....shopping, baking, hosting, cooking, visiting.....and some of you are just not able to do it.  The fatigue of Lyme can be crushing.....I do remember!  So, let others do the work for you, and do what you can to find some enjoyment in the season, and in visiting with others.  It's good for the soul to be with others.

Perhaps friends could visit in short spurts over the holidays.  Maybe they could bring a meal that you can all share together.  When I was sick, one of my friends brought a lasagna meal, and we all ate together.  I sat at the table with a blanket around me because I was so cold, and I enjoyed the stories told.  I felt so horrible, physically, but the companionship was wonderful. 

Watch some Christmas movies as a family, and even though you are sick, try to cultivate that family togetherness that your children are craving at this time of year especially.....even if all you can do is lie on the couch.  Invite your little ones to snuggle up with you; after all, it's you they want, not things.

Try very hard to not worry about how all of this is affecting your young family.  Children are so resilient, and they adapt to new situations.  My kids have seen it all in their young lives.....believe me.....from Daddy in the hospital with no hair and 50 staples in his scalp, to Mommy and Daddy both being carted off in an ambulance while police babysat them until Grandma and Grandpa could arrive.....to Mommy being unable to cook, clean, or care for them in the usual ways.  (You can read our whole story here.)
 
With my husband and I both seriously ill at various times for 10 years, one might think that the children would be scarred for life.  This is not true.  If anything, it has made them empathetic and sensitive.  It has shown them the importance of service to others in difficult times, for we certainly had our share of help over the years.  It has shown them the meaning of family when their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins came to help in our times of need.  It has shown them how God cares for us and carries us through the valleys of our lives.  Our kids have continued to thrive, do well in school, and be well-adjusted kids, all in all. 

Just continue to do what you can to show love to your children!  Snuggle, read them a book, watch a movie with them.  Even though you are not feeling well, just give them that reassurance that they are loved, and use this situation as a learning opportunity to prepare them for the inevitable valleys they will walk through in life.

I would like to finish off here by sharing a beautiful song with you by award-winning Christian artist Natalie Grant.  Oh my!  This song has touched my heart so much in the past few weeks and I hope it will touch yours.  It reminds us that as Christians, we have HOPE, and this hope endures even through dark times.  And this hope is not just an optimism, but it is the hope of knowing Christ, and knowing that He promises to be with us throughout our lives, in good times and bad.  He gives us the strength to endure.

I pray that you will know Christ and His hope this Christmas and throughout the rest of your life. 

Already There

It's been a while since I've posted a song, so here is one that I pray will give you hope!  This is a Christian group called Casting Crowns, and I just love their sound and the lead singer's voice.  I suppose it's self-explanatory when you hear it, but the song talks about how God knows our future since it has all been planned by Him.....He's "already there" at the end of the road even though we are still travelling it.  I think back to my days of illness with Lyme, and I could not have imagined regaining my health, and yet here I am, healthy and functional again!  And God knew it all along; He was already there, in my future.  Enjoy the song!

Already There

by

Casting Crowns

Happy anniversary to me

OK, this isn't really the kind of anniversary I want to be celebrating, but how can I escape reality?  Check out my Lyme ticker....the one that's been ticking away on the left side of my blog, marking every year and day that I've been fighting with this insidious illness.

I was actually thinking about the approaching anniversary last week while it was still May, but once June rolled in, I completely forgot!  So I'm 2 days late to wish myself a happy anniversary.

This anniversary is bittersweet, obviously.

On the one hand, I sure am thankful to be receiving treatment for my Lyme disease, given the situation in Canada.  I was browsing through some old e-mails last night that I kept from 2011, and was reminded afresh just how sick and anxious and desperate I was.  Wow!  I've come a long way, baby!

On the other hand, I can't believe it is now over 2 (count 'em....2) years that I have been ingesting antibiotics and dozens of supplements daily, 2 years that I have made bi-monthly trips to an LLMD in a nearby state, 2 years that I've had to try (with little success) to convince the doubters that I have Lyme disease, 2 years that I've tried to spread the word about Lyme, 2 years that I've fought like crazy to be fully recovered.  Wow!  And it seems like I still have a ways to go, baby!

And all of this from a bug bite.  Crazy, no?!

If anyone is reading this who is starting Lyme treatment, here is my best advice:

PERSEVERE!!!

 

Don't give up just because the goin' gets rough......and it surely will.  Recovery from chronic Lyme disease is no walk in the park!  But it will be SO worth it in the end.  I came back from the brink of death, and am now living a productive, happy life once again.  No, I'm not 100% yet, but honestly, who is?

 

It is my hope and prayer that two years from now, you will be able to look back and see just how far you've come and be thankful for your blessings.

 

And to further inspire you, here is one of my favourite singers encouraging you to press on......and keep your eyes on the prize.

 

Eyes on the Prize

by

Sara Groves

 

Carry Me

I've heard the song "Carry Me" by Josh Wilson on the radio a few times this week, and today, it really struck a chord with me.  I know that if this song had been around two years ago when I was deathly ill with Lyme disease, it would have helped me immensely....just giving me that reassurance that God is there, that He cares, that He carries me when I can't hold myself up, and that others share in this journey of suffering and fear and deliverance.   

I've already talked about how Sara Groves, an amazingly talented Christian artist, helped to sustain me through my dark days.  I also gravitated to God's Word.  As I walked through that valley of the shadow of death, I would visualize myself laying down in the green pastures, and walking beside the still waters of Psalm 23.  When worldly medical professionals suggested meditation as a way to deal with my anxiety, I chose to meditate on God's Word exclusively.  Why would I need man-made things to meditate on when the Creator of the Universe had all of the answers I needed?!

I love how Josh Wilson juxtaposes his "sinking sand" with God's "solid ground".  (See Matthew 7:24-27.)  If you are ill with Lyme disease, or some other chronic illness, I encourage you to place your feet firmly on that solid ground that only God can provide.

Here is Josh Wilson's song to encourage your heart.  And click here to read about Josh's personal story behind the writing of "Carry Me".

Thank you, Sara Groves

Here is another song to calm your soul.  When I was really ill last year, I was looking for something to soothe me, and I grabbed one of my Sara Groves CDs off the shelf.  I put on the song, "It's Going To Be Alright".  Wow, did I ever feel God talking to me through that song!  I was suffering from horrendous insomnia from the Lyme disease and I felt like I was on the brink of death!  Sara sang right to my soul.  She said:

"It's going to be alright.  It's going to be alright.  I can tell by your eyes you're not getting any sleep, and you try to rise above it, but feel you're sinking in too deep.  Oh, I believe, I believe that it's going to be alright.  It's going to be alright.  I believe you'll outlive this pain in your heart, and you'll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart.  Oh, I believe, I believe that it's going to be alright."

That was a message I needed to hear right at that moment.  And you know what?  It WAS alright!  I outlived that pain, and did gain strength from it.  (See Romans 8:28)

I had the opportunity to see Sara in person when she did a concert at my church in August.  What a genuine, open person with a heart of gold!

You're wonderful, Sara.  Thanks for helping me through a very dark time.

It's Going To Be Alright

by

Sara Groves



Casting Crowns - "Praise You in This Storm"

Simply listen.  Nothing more needs to be said.

Know where your help comes from

This past week, I've felt the Lord nudging me back in His direction.  When exactly did I start to stray, and begin to rely more on myself and earthly things or other people, rather than on Him?  I think that started to happen as I began to feel better, physically. 

When I was really ill last year, I literally threw myself at His feet, praying for the things I needed most to survive: 

• endurance
• sanity
• restored sleep

I leaned on God like I've never leaned on Him before.  I cried out to Him, through sobs of fear and anxiety.

And He carried me.

At the time, a friend of mine told me that in situations like this, God usually doesn't heal 'overnight', but over a period of time.  I knew this would probably be the case for me.  He was going to teach me trust and patience.

So I waited.  And I prayed.  And I waited.

In His timing, He answered my prayers, and granted me each of the things I had asked for.  My anxiety got under control.  Just last month, I was able to stop taking sleep medication, so my sleep has been restored.  And through His strength, I managed to endure the last year and a half and come out the other end with a renewed perspective on life and faith.

But new fears are creeping back in!  It's as though I hadn't learned anything in the last year!  And this reminds me of my frail humanity, my propensity to sin, and how easy it is to forget where my help ultimately comes from.

So what are my fears?  I am returning to my teaching job in September, just a few short weeks away.  Will I be able to handle it physically?  What if I'm too fatigued?  How will I keep the stress under control?

As I consider a potential 'end of treatment' in the next while, I find my thoughts turning to worry.  Will I relapse?  Many people do.  What will I do if that happens?  I won't have any more sick days to rely on, and getting long-term disability for something as controversial as Lyme disease would be an uphill battle.

So today, I got a reminder from the Lord, via another Lyme sufferer.  Thank you, Christa.  This video was on my Facebook news feed this morning.  I need to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus who WILL take care of me and guide me and give me peace in all of the circumstances of my life.

Kari Jobe

Steady My Heart

And I would like to add one more song by Joy Williams, whose lyrics also help to strengthen me and remind me that my Heavenly Father is my Rock and I need not be afraid.

Joy Williams

Unafraid